I am the Fixer
I always have a plan
I am in Control
I need no one
Until Now.
Unsure of what is coming
Not knowing where I'm going
I am lost.
I feel used
I feel alone
I am Scared
My chest tightens
Breaths shorten
Heart pounding
What if I fail?
I can't go back
I won't backtrack
I have nowhere to go
No one to love
I can't fix it
What if this is it?
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Wanted
This past year has been one of the most amazing and also the most difficult years for me.
I have never thought of myself as a people person. I would rather stay in by myself then spend time interacting with people and having to come up with stuff to talk about. And I have been the same way about relationships, never been good in them nor did I want to. The thought of having someone knowing everything about me, my strengths and weakness's terrifies the fuck out of me.
So instead I choose the path of mindless sex.
But over the last year I have challenged myself to trust people.
And found that I want a relationship. I want to have someone to talk about my shitty day to.
Someone that I can share all the things I love with.
Someone that will challenge me.
Who will fight with me when I'm wrong.
Someone that I can create new memories with.
But do you know how hard that is in this era?
I have put myself out there and met new people, but all anyone wants is a fuck.
But it's not that they don't want a relationship. They just don't want a relationship with Me.
Have you ever felt the feeling of someone telling you that they don't want a relationship just a friends with benefits and then a couple months later you get the text of "Hey, we can't sleep together anymore. Theres this Girl that I've been seeing and I really want to give it a shot"?
I'll tell you it fucking sucks. It's this heavy feeling in your chest of Your not good enough to date. All your good for is a fuck.
I'm so tired of it.
All I want is to be Wanted. I want to be the girl that a guy can't wait to see and hold in his arms.
I want to be there to listen when you've had a shitty day. I want to learn all your hopes and fears and be there to help you achieve and fight them.
I just want someone to Want me.
I have never thought of myself as a people person. I would rather stay in by myself then spend time interacting with people and having to come up with stuff to talk about. And I have been the same way about relationships, never been good in them nor did I want to. The thought of having someone knowing everything about me, my strengths and weakness's terrifies the fuck out of me.
So instead I choose the path of mindless sex.
But over the last year I have challenged myself to trust people.
And found that I want a relationship. I want to have someone to talk about my shitty day to.
Someone that I can share all the things I love with.
Someone that will challenge me.
Who will fight with me when I'm wrong.
Someone that I can create new memories with.
But do you know how hard that is in this era?
I have put myself out there and met new people, but all anyone wants is a fuck.
But it's not that they don't want a relationship. They just don't want a relationship with Me.
Have you ever felt the feeling of someone telling you that they don't want a relationship just a friends with benefits and then a couple months later you get the text of "Hey, we can't sleep together anymore. Theres this Girl that I've been seeing and I really want to give it a shot"?
I'll tell you it fucking sucks. It's this heavy feeling in your chest of Your not good enough to date. All your good for is a fuck.
I'm so tired of it.
All I want is to be Wanted. I want to be the girl that a guy can't wait to see and hold in his arms.
I want to be there to listen when you've had a shitty day. I want to learn all your hopes and fears and be there to help you achieve and fight them.
I just want someone to Want me.
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